Dear Cassie,
One of my best friends and her husband are very close friends with me and my husband. We spend a lot of leisure time together and know all the details about each other's lives. However, my friend has not been happy with her marriage, unbeknownst to her spouse, and started to have an affair. She has only told me about it and nobody else, but I feel she's wrong to cheat on her husband and guilty for having to hide this secret. I think he should know what's going on so that he could do something to help save his marriage. Should I tell him and betray my friend, or allow it to continue and perhaps risk the chance that he might find out about it? He knows that she tells me everything, and I'm afraid that if it got out, that we will lose his trust and friendship as well. I would appreciate your advice. Thanks,
Friend or Foe, Vancouver, Canada

Dear Friend,
It certainly is not fair that you must carry the burden of your friend's secret; she is not being much of a friend to you, and not much of a wife to her husband. Persuade her to end her infidelity, and if she doesn't, let her know you don't approve of her behavior and that your friendship will have to be put on hold until she gets some sense into her head. As much as you want to be there to support her, your actions might open her eyes to what her real priorities are - a temporary fling, your relationship with her, or her marriage.

As for telling her husband, don't. You don't want to be the bearer of bad news, and this matter would solely be between the two of them. There is no point bringing this out in the open if she ends the affair and wants to start fresh. This couple could use some marriage counseling, or perhaps you and your husband can arrange activities requiring couples to participate, such as dancing lessons, playing a sport like tennis or golf, or having regular dinner parties with other couples. Try to get them more involved and that might help to get their marriage back on track.

Good luck with your friend, and I hope she makes the right decision.

Cassie

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