Dear Cassie,
I am a single woman in my late 30s and have fallen in love with my boss. He is everything I've been looking for in a man - wealthy, successful, intelligent, handsome, caring and has a great sense of humor. I look forward to going to work each day, and never complain about working overtime so that I can be with him a few extra hours each day. I do everything he asks me to efficiently and completely to his satisfaction, and needless to say, he considers me a model employee. There were several occasions when we had to work late and had dinner together, but it was strictly professional.

Next month, we have to go to New York City together to close an important deal for our firm, and I am looking forward to spending some time with him outside of the office because he asked me if I'd like to try some restaurants and see a Broadway show. He doesn't know that I am in love with him, and I don't want him to know because it could be grounds for sexual harassment, and besides that, he is married. I love being with him, and I'm afraid that I might do something on this trip that I will regret.

I know he is off limits to me, but I find myself constantly thinking about him. I want so much to tell him how I feel, but I'm afraid he will reject me, and maybe even fire me. He is very proper and treats me with the utmost respect, however, I am just agonizing over this. What should I do?
In Love With the Wrong Guy, Chicago, IL

Dear In Love,
Having such feelings for your boss is common, especially if you work closely together and he values your professionalism and hard work, but you must realize that you are living a fantasy and it's time to return to reality. He may be everything you've always dreamed about, but you know he is off limits.

Suppose one day it got out that you were in love with him. Both of your professional careers could be jeopardized, your reputations could be ruined and you would be putting his marriage at risk. You have both worked hard to be where you are, and if your infatuation is known, the potential damage it could cause is great. It is not worth the pain you will endure compared to the inconvenience you are feeling now.

Instead, you should be channeling your energies in a tangible relationship that will lead to a happy ending for you, rather than suffering in silence. You need to take your mind off of him by keeping yourself occupied with other interests, or make it a goal to get out and meet new people. Take up a new hobby and join a club where there is a lot of interaction around a common interest among the members. Become more active in your religious affiliation or a charitable organization and volunteer to serve in whatever capacity is required. Give yourself a challenge by training for a competition in something you are good at, but go that one extra step to compete and try to win. Take classes in something you've always wanted to do and learn something new. These are all ways to improve yourself, contribute to your community, and provide yourself exposure to meeting lots of new people.

If you are not able to control your feelings for your boss, then it might be time to change jobs so you are not tempted by his presence. This may be difficult for you to accept, and you may not want to leave your job, but you cannot go on torturing yourself over something you know you cannot have.

I hope you make the right decision and find the happiness you deserve.

I wish you all the best.

Cassie

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