Dear Cassie,
When I was in college about 2 years ago, I met a girl who went to school the same town as I did. Back then, I just got out of a bad relationship, and she was there for me during the hardest time of my life. Now, she has a boyfriend. I really want her in my life, but is it OK to go after her? Will she hate me if I do? I miss her a lot. Please tell me what I should do Cassie!!
Gregory, Taiwan

Dear Gregory,
You have a very special friend in this girl, and you are very fortunate to have her to support you through all the hard times, and she is lucky to have you as well. Quite often, lasting romantic relationships start out this way. I commend you for being the considerate gentleman that you have been by not barging in between her and her boyfriend.

It sounds as though you are somewhat close if you confide in each other about personal relationships and other problems, meaning that you have an open line of communication. If that is true, then you should be able to tell her how you feel about your relationship, and that you'd like to be there for her if things don't work out with her boyfriend. This way, you are not going after her, but being truthful and honest with your feelings, and respecting her choice of who she wants to be with. This may be an eye opener if she never realized your true feelings for her, and she may take a closer look at her current relationship with her boyfriend.

Tell her how much you've appreciated all the times she's been there for you, how much you value your friendship, what a wonderful person she is, and that you'd like her to consider being your girlfriend. She may have been with her boyfriend for a while, but ultimately, it's her decision if she wants to continue seeing him or start a new relationship with you. I highly doubt she will hate you for telling her this, but on the contrary, she will see the a deeper, more emotional side of you, and know how much you care for her.

If it turns out that she only wants to remain close friends, then you must accept that and move on with your life. Sometimes the truth hurts, but it's better to know sooner than later so that you can redirect your energy toward more productive endeavors. However, if you don't tell her how you feel, you'll never know what might have been.

I wish you all the best,

Cassie

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